since america refuses to give comprehensive sex ed, a lot of people end up learning from….porn. not the most wonderful thing when sex is represented inaccurately in all kiiiinds of ways in pornography.
WHAT TEACHERS MAKE by Taylor Mali
….You realize, of course, that Hermione Granger lit a teacher on fire when she was eleven, and kept a person alive in a jar for a year when she was fourteen, and studies dark and forbidden magics for kicks, and is one of the brightest and strongest witches of her era. If she came at me, even wandless, I would aparate to Neptune to get away from her.
Hermione Granger also:
- punched Draco Malfoy in the nose for being an idiot
- purposefully performed a confundus charm on whatshsface WHILE HE WAS FLYING just so Ron would win (omfg that is so fucking dangerous)
- literally pulled a fucking Bourne Identity on her parents and managed to set them up in fucking Australia (jesus christ she literally made it so that she NEVER EXISTED wtf that’s so fucking 007)
- Convinced the Ministry of Magic to give her an incredibly dangerous and volatile device that allowed her to ALTER TIMELINES COMPLETELY (just because she was so smart, literally, that is the reason, her “potential”)
- Has enough basic survival skills and badass magic to literally disappear to the middle of nowhere and flourish AND figure out Voldemort’s plot with Harry
- Hermione also figures out not only what Voldemort’s plan is, but generally how to beat it, WAY BEFORE VOLDEMORT EVER DOES. Why? because she is just that much smarter and better at magic than everybody else
in conclusion: Voldemort wishes he could be as awesome as Hermione, that’s why he wants to kill her so bad.
Can we rehave this series with hermione as the protagonist.
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Used the Power of Research and Deductive Reasoning to Make Sure Harry Didn’t Die”
Hermione Granger and “That time I figured shit out and literally ended up petrified for the cause and it took my friends weeks to figure out that I had the research on me”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Was a Time Lord”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I Realized I was Hot and Smart and Saved Harry’s Ass with Research. Again. All the Time. Really, He Would Have Died Without Me.”
Hermione Granger and “That time Harry was too emo to actually do shit so I did shit in his name because I am the power behind the throne clearly also PS fought evil deatheaters and won”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I told Harry about the Dangers of Copying off Somebody’s else’s work that wasn’t mine and OH LOOK I WAS RIGHT”
Hermione Granger and “That Time I let Harry Decide Where to Go and What To do and we ended up wandering the forests of dean for like 5 months before saving his ass at Hogwarts”
Yes, I definitely think I’d read that series back to front.
Thanks Shane, I had a blast working there, and it was always nice seeing you. I’ll still come by the shop every once in a while for Wednesday night magic - and I’ll likely be in this week to pick up the newest Witchdoctor. I’ll have them leave the book in your sub. I’m doing alright - if you find me on Facebook, I still keep everyone there posted on what’s been goin’ on. You can find me at www.facebook.com/scribbledragon :3
But it sure feels like it.
About a week ago, I lost my job working at Atomic Empire. The last three months at the new location have been extremely demanding, and I honestly just couldn’t keep up it would seem. I’ve already found new work, and I’ll be starting my new gig at a call center in about three weeks. I’ll still always be the comic guy, though. I’ll keep reading. I’ll keep informed. And I’ll stay in the loop. I just don’t know how long it’ll be before I can bring myself to get out and hang with people again. To the eight of your who ever actually followed this tumblr, thank you.
Hello again and welcome to what is hopefully the last of the delayed reviews. It’s been a rough last month, what with New Years, our first snowfall in the area, Spider-Man dying… that last one…. yeah…. Despite that, I’ve got my picks for the last month of awesome titles. While the past week’s comics were late due to a shipping holiday a-la-MLK, the last several weeks have all had excellent titles. I’ve got quite a few picks for the last five weeks: Amazing Spider-Man #700 and Mara #1 for week one. Invincible #99 and New Avengers #1 for week two. Thor: God of Thunder #4 in week three, and Saga #9 for week four, and last week’s Mind MGMT #7. Sooo many good comics this month. Alright, here goes…
Hullo all, and here’s hoping that you had a fabulous holiday season. Cheers! Thanksgiving weekend threw off my schedule a bit, but I’ve got several weeks’ picks off the rack for the whatever-I-caught-and-died-from on the first week of December. We’re going to be taking a look at Indestructible Hulk #1, and two weeks ago, I’m going to have to give kudos to the return of Witch Doctor, with Mal Practice #1. For last week’s comics, I’ve put my money down on Scarlet Spider. But first thing’s first…
Mark Waid has always been a hit or miss writer with me, and I find that I either love an idea of his, or I want to beat him over the head with a wiffle bat. But, having fallen in love with his more recent work on Daredevil, I’ve been generally pleased with him - and so while I was sad to see Jason Aaron leaving Hulk, I was looking forward to what Waid had to offer. In short, the series is fantastic. It’s clever, it cuts to the chase and makes for an excellent jump into the series, and it presents us with a very nicely written Bruce Banner in the lead.
Leinil Yu was completely unknown to me until recently, and well… Suffice to say, it is gorgeous. Her style has a flow to it that is uncommon in super-hero comics, and comes as a very pleasant relief. Overall I’d give it a 4.5/5, if only because it isn’t so hot in terms of a seguay from the previous story arc, but still serves as an excellent jumping on point.
Next up: Witch Doctor: Mal Practice #1
I became a huge fan of this series with the initial launch of this series on Free Comic Book Day a couple years ago, with it’s hilarious issue #0. Seifert’s first story arc, “Under the Knife,” was an amazing blend of horror, comedy, and drama. This new arc comes to us after a long hiatus, and reintroduces the series with a bang.
Folks unfamiliar with the series my find themselves caught a tad off guard with the quirky humour, but it’s smartly written dialogue and beautiful art brings people on board with ease. I’m excited to see where this series goes from here, bringing a new personal element to the individual characters, and focusing a little less it would seem on the world building that was provided in the last story arc. All in all, I’d have to rate it as a 5-of-5, but not-for-kids comic. It deals with a lot of grown up stuff: medical procedures, war fatigue, STDs, and some of the most amazing monsters I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing drawn.
The light-hearted way in which the characters cope with day-to-day difficulties does lend for a bit of a slice-of-life feel to it, though. It makes it for a fun but unusual story that even non-comic geeks can enjoy.
Up to bat next is last week’s pick: Scarlet Spider #12
Last week was a difficult decision. There were a lot of good comics that came out - including a new Atomic Robo, Cable & The X-Force, and Avengers Assemble… But Scarlet Spider stuck out because of two things specifically: It served as both a good hopping on point and a good segue into the new story arc after Minimum Carnage: Omega; and it managed to tell a concise story that drew you in and left you feeling entertained and wanting more.
I would also like to mention that my favourite comic book line all week was in this issue, in the form of the following exchange: “Quick, call the police!” ”I am the police!” So yeah - there’s that.
It’s a fun issue, excellently written, extremely entertaining, and definitely my choice for 5-of-5 for last week’s comics.
In closing, I’d like to apologize for the lack of updates - the Holiday season has been strenuous on business, and I hope to be returning to regular weekly updates very soon! Thank you for stopping by!
Best comic to come out on the 14th this month? Avengers Assemble #9. Hands down. 5-of-5, amazingly written work by Kelly Sue Deconnick (who’s over at kellysue.tumblr.com by the by). This issue was exciting, funny, inviting, and all around an excellent chance to get to know some of the core characters from the Avengers series. But what really makes this story shine is it’s premise. Quickly! To the breakdown!!
This thing was awesome. If you remember from the first run of “Superman: Earth One,” this series is a straight-to-hard-back comic. They don’t do actual comic print runs of them, though they release them in the same way as the rest of the comics we get in every Wednesday. But it was awesome! Written by Bab5’s J. Michael Straczynski, this continuation from the previous volume was just fantastic as its predecessor. Superman is a hard character to write well, but Straczynski pulls it off excellently. He also brings something to the table that I’ve not seen in a Superman comic in ages: a funny Clark Kent. No, that’s not right… Clark is… snarky. Maybe even a smartass. But our ol’ Kal’el pulls it off with a certain loveable charm that it’s hard not to admire.
The art is gorgeous, and it does a very nice job of providing a feel for how alien humanity is to Superman, and how hard it is for him to hold back. How, with all that power, how easy it would be for him to just say, “screw it,” and turn everything into ash. But while the sheer power of the character is portrayed excellently through the art, the writing is what stood out to me in portraying the vulnerabilities of the character.
Follow the link for the breakdown! (Spoilers!)